Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Striving for “Level” . . .

So I seem to have blown the Health Activist Writers Month Challenge.  It took me longer than I imagined to set up my new laptop and I also got occupied with some other stuff.  Oh well, that’s life.  I’ll just try again next April.

Anyway, now that Pete is back to work we are falling back into our old routine and it feels good to be on a set schedule again. There is one glitch, however.  And as usual, that glitch is diabetes.

levelWhile Pete was laid off my blood sugars got really out of whack.  I chalked it up to a combination of stress and our crazy . . .  or should I say lazy . . . . schedule.  I adjusted as best I could and tried not to worry too much.  I knew that once we were back to our old routine things would level off again.

Surprise, surprise . . . . things have not leveled off.  I can’t remember when I’ve seen so many high numbers flashing on my meter’s screen on a daily basis.  My CGM is constantly blaring either rise-rate or fall-rate alarms.  If I’m not too high, then I’m way too low.  The most frustrating thing is that I’ve really been trying hard.  Nothing works.  I’m carefully counting  my carbs.  I’m pre-bolusing to avoid meal spikes.  The other night I was dying for a snack, but  had made it through the day without going high.  So I chose my snack wisely and ate a bowl of sugar-free Jell-O.  You can imagine how pissed off I was to find my blood sugar in the 200s a few hours later.  I started to feel like it wasn’t even worth trying.  I feel like I’ll never level off.

But, with diabetes, not trying is not an option.  So I continue to choose Jell-O over the remaining Easter jelly beans.  I’ve been looking at patterns and making some basal tweaks.  I still can’t get a handle on this new morning spike that’s been happening, but before breakfast today I gave my bolus twice as long to start working before I ate.  It didn’t work . . . . I still ended up way too high post-breakfast and needed a correction bolus.  So maybe it’s time for some old school basal testing and then a look at my breakfast insulin-to-carb ratio.

I’m sure not thrilled.  I still don’t understand why nothing seems to work anymore.  I’m definitely feeling major frustration moving in.  But I know I’ve still got to try . . .  right?  What keeps you going when nothing seems to work?

6 comments:

  1. Ugh, I can't even begin to imagine! Motivation can be so hard to find when nothing seems to be working. It depends on my overall mood as to how I react. Too many times I just want to give up, but like you said, that's not an option.

    One of the things I find motivating is reading blogs. I even go back and read some of my own posts which reminds me that "Yes, it's hard but I can do this." or "I did this before, I can do it again!"

    I know you'll figure this out. I know you can do this. You rock, Karen! Sending d-hugs and positive thoughts.

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  2. I try and remember how much better I feel when my diabetes monster is under control. More energy. More fun. It's a lot easier said than done though. Focus on the little victories. I'm sure you'll figure that morning spike out.

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  3. I'm with Marie. Focus on the small stuff for now and not the whole day/night. I'm sure you'll see something to cheer about before you tackle the next step!

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  4. I run into this from time to time and then have to step back, get completely unemotional about my situation and pick apart what I do each day in a logical way. Then I focus on eating fruits and veggies all day for a few days just to calm my insulin resistance. Then I do whatever it is I've been slacking on like exercise or waiting 15 minutes after giving insulin before eating, stuff like that. It is incredibly frustrating. Sometimes my problem is I don't feel like doing what needs to be done and so that's when I sit in bed and snack on popcorn until I kick myself in the butt and tell myself that was enough of a diabetes vacation lol. Sigh...it's hard...I know :) Hang in there!

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  5. You are not alone! I just had some major successes with basal changes and to have that fixed up better makes me so satisfied, even though I know I was sooo frustrated before. You can do it!

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  6. wow, i wasn't expecting to have a huge perspective shift when i read your blog today but here it is! while reading your trials, i was like, "well, if it was us, we would just call children's hospital and speak to our NP and see if she had some ideas on changing basal rates" etc. but then it hit me, not everyone has (or wants) a team like that. and maybe when my kid is older, she won't have (or want) something like what she has now.

    sometimes i am so in the moment i don't even think of her beyond the teenage years. thanks for the perspective!

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