Diabetes and The Unexpected - #DBlogWeek Day 1

Welcome to day one of Diabetes Blog Week, Year Eight!!  If you’d like to participate but haven’t signed up yet, please do so here (scroll down a bit to find the form).  The more the merrier and it’s definitely not too late.

Today’s topic is Diabetes and The Unexpected.  Diabetes can sometimes seem to play by a rulebook that makes no sense, tossing out unexpected challenges at random.  What are your best tips for being prepared when the unexpected happens?  Or, take this topic another way and tell us about some good things diabetes has brought into your, or your loved one’s, life that you never could have expected?  (Thank you, Heather, for inspiring this topic!)

You know the old saying “Don’t sweat the small stuff”?  Well, I have yet to follow that advice.  I sweat the small stuff.  I also sweat the big stuff.  I pretty much sweat all the stuff.  It’s annoying.

The upside to this is that I’m generally over prepared for just about any situation.  When it comes to diabetes, more often than not I have everything I need.  My purse has candy, glucagon, everything needed for a pump site change, extra tape, batteries and syringes.  A reminder on my phone assures I don’t forget a site change.  When I travel, I bring at least three times the diabetes stuff I need.  That’s not to say I’m perfect.  There have been a few times when I’ve slipped up a bit, but usually I’m more than prepared for the unexpected.

And the most unexpected thing about being way way way prepared is that I’ve been able to help out others.  I’d say the majority of my travel is for diabetes conferences.  Having a ton of supplies means I can help out others who’ve forgotten something.  Ran out of strips at Friends for Life?  I had an extra vial to give.  Needed tape for your sensor at UnCon?  Look no further than me.  Forgot to pack your infusion set inserter or ripped out your site and didn’t have a spare?  I had your back.  And my favorite unexpected was a pump that died at the DiabetesMine Summit.  I had packed my old pump and was able to loan it out until a replacement pump was sent.  (Although given the option, I'd definitely wish my friend's pump hadn't malfunctioned......)



I try my best to be prepared for any diabetes unexpected situation that pops up.  But I never expected how good it would make me feel to know I can also help out a friend in need from time to time.


You can find more Diabetes and The Unexpected posts listed here.

What is Diabetes Blog Week? Click here for an explanation and to sign up.  You can also check out the Participant’s List here.  And don't forget to check out the DBlogWeek Facebook page here.

Grains of Sand……

Sometimes I think of the Diabetes Online Community (or DOC) as a huge beach, and each of us are the tiny grains of sand that make up our beach.  Sometimes we quietly lay there, sometimes we drift in and out with the tides, and sometimes we come together and do something huge.  When that happens, I see us as a big beautiful sandcastle.

Last week I once again attended the HealthEVoices conference.  (I attended in 2015 as well, but didn’t apply last year because it conflicted with another event).  I love this conference because it opens my eyes to all of the other health communities out there.  Amazing people doing amazing things.  And although their conditions may be different from mine, a lot of what we are addressing is the same.  Stigma, advocacy, privacy, burn out - these are just some of the topics we discussed that we all relate to.  When we share what has worked or hasn’t worked for us, and why, we can learn from each other.  We make our communities stronger.  We all become more effective.

So my take away from #HealthEVoices17?  You are but a grain of sand on a large beach.  But don’t forget that your beach is not the only beach.  Take a look at the other gorgeous beaches and all of the beautiful grains of sand they hold.  You can learn so much just by visiting their shores.  There are a lot of the other amazing sandcastles out there!

Disclosure: Janssen Global Services paid for my travel expenses for the conference. All thoughts and opinions expressed here are my own.

Turning a Failure into a Success....

Yesterday was not really my best day.  I got engrossed in a project and it was late afternoon before I realized the only thing I had to eat or drink was my morning cup of coffee.  It’s definitely a weakness of mine - the fact that I can get so absorbed in what I’m working on that hours fly by unnoticed.

I was pretty annoyed with myself as I changed out of my pajamas and hopped into the shower while realizing it was almost time for dinner and I hadn’t gotten to the store to pick up something to cook.  And I was starving, considering I hadn’t eaten all day.  A whisper of a thought drifted through my mind…….”hadn’t eaten all day, great time to do a finger-stick and calibrate”.  My finger-stick came back one point off from my CGM.  And according to my graph, I had stayed between about 80 and 120 all day.

To which another whisper of a thought replied…..”well, look, a basal test got done today, and those daytime basals are spot on”.

Now I don’t recommend getting distracted and skipping breakfast, lunch, snacks and water all day.  And I did make sure I had a (fairly) balanced and (somewhat) healthy dinner.  But instead of beating myself up for failing yesterday, I’m going to cut myself a break this one time.  After all, I did manage a very successful test of my basal rates.

Eight . . .

Eight years ago today I started Bitter-Sweet.  Yes, there are a few posts written in the beginning of 2008, but those were originally published over at TuDiabetes back when members had the capability of creating a blog on that site.  But June 21, 2008 was the day I created this blog site and my Bitter-Sweet journey began.

Now I will admit, given the chance I would opt out of diabetes in a minute.  But since that isn’t about to happen any time soon, I’m so thankful I have this blog to help me connect with other fabulous PWDs and share all my ups and downs.  With that in mind, here are eight wonderful things that probably wouldn’t have happened if not for my blog . . . .

• Becoming an Educated (and thus, Healthier) Patient.
• Becoming an Advocate and going to The Hill.
• Doing Art for a Book Cover.
• Coordinating Diabetes Blog Week seven times over!!
• Finding Local Support.  Actually, my local support group has expanded quite a bit in 8 years but still contains two very treasured friends from that very first dinner.  (Even though one friend is now Not-Quite-As-Local-but-Local-Enough.  ie: an easy under 2 hour car ride.)
• Becoming a PODS Leader.
• Learning about and Attending Patient Conferences!!
• Meeting so many Awesome PWDs who are Family to Me.  And yes, that collage is more than 4 years out of date, and would be so  much bigger now!

Thank you to everyone who had read or commented or tweeted or befriended me in the past eight years.  My world is a much better place because of you.

Auto-Pilot . . . .

Lately I feel as if Otto has taken over.  That is to say, diabetes seems as if it’s running in auto-pilot.  (Also that link is, of course, from Airplane!  So it is, of course, NSFW.)

That’s not to say diabetes management has exactly been easy, because diabetes is rarely easy.  There are still spikes and lows and pieces that didn’t go exactly as planned.  But nothing out of the ordinary and certainly nothing worth blogging about.  Last month I went to the endo and all was well - except that we upped my Vitamin D dose again.  If that’s all I need to worry about after almost 36 years with diabetes, I consider myself pretty lucky.  The Thanksgiving weekend brought such a great string of blood sugars that I had to wonder if I had a few islet cells kicking in valiantly before being wiped out by my immune system.  (Taking my parent’s dog for a walk after our turkey dinner didn’t hurt either.  But it was a pretty slow walk because she insisted on stopping to sniff EVERY SINGLE LEAF!!)  But all in all, things have been pretty quite over here, diabetes-wise.

I appreciate the small breaks when I can get them.  Even if it doesn’t leave me with much that’s blog-worthy to write about.  I can sacrifice blog material for the chance to let diabetes run on auto-pilot while I focus on other parts of life.  After all, history has taught me that this won’t last too long, so I’ll enjoy it while I can!

10 Insanely Good (and True) Things About Diabetes

So I hadn't realized that all 10 of my Insane (but True) Things About Diabetes focused on negative aspects until I read the great comment left by Sharon C. 

Can't tell you how many times I've nearly had to carry my kiddo out of Target. And at least once I put her in the cart (a tiny aged 12 chickie) and pushed her to the car. WTF?!! Sooo true. Don't get me started on IKEA. Glad you put out this post! Next post: 10 insanely good (but true) things that've come from having Diabetes. Can you do it? Are there 10?

Thank you, Sharon C, for really giving me something to think about.  After all, if the tagline of my blog is “life with diabetes isn’t all bad” I guess I’d better be prepared to back that up.  But are there 10?  That many might be tough, but I’m certainly not one to back down from a challenge.  So here we go!
 

1. It’s taught me not to back down from a challenge.  What?  I just said that in my intro?  Well, I suppose it bears repeating.  Yes, diabetes can be really hard sometimes.  But giving up isn’t an option.  So we rise to the challenge time and again  and learn to never back down.  And that can carry over to other parts of our lives as well.
2. Sometimes candy is medicine.  Low blood sugars generally are no fun.  But the bright side is that sometimes they give me an excuse to indulge in a yummy treat.  Jelly beans at Easter time.  Candy corn during Halloween.  Cotton candy at a fair.  I have to, my blood sugar is low.  (Also it can give me an excuse not to share my treats!!)
3. Playing the D -Card / Sympathy.  Okay, I don’t do this a lot.  And it really isn’t anything to be proud of.  But every so often, I play the Diabetes Card.  I’ve been known to exaggerate low symptoms so my husband will do the dishes while I lay on the couch.  Hey, if I’m stuck with this chronic illness, I might as well reap a few benefits every once and a while.  (But please don’t tell Pete!!)
4. That moment when I think my sugar is sky high, and I check it and I’m right in range.   This one is really hard to explain if you don’t have diabetes.  But if you do, maybe you know what I mean.  The feeling you get when you think your meter will throw you an icky high  number, and instead it throws you a really great one?  It is wonderful!
5. Diabetes has helped me find a voice.   I was the shy girl in school who never raised my hand to answer questions.  I had a really hard time making friends.  I still often feel like that shy girl, but diabetes has helped me break out of my shell quite a bit.  I blog about the details of my diabetes life.  I speak up at diabetes conferences.  I go to D.C. every year to meet with our Representatives to lobby for government funding of diabetes research.  Not bad for a shy girl!
6. Nailing the bolus for Chinese food. Or Mexican food.  Or any food that is tricky to bolus for.  When I indulge and my bolus works out perfectly, it’s a reason to celebrate!
7. Diabetes makes me strong.  You know those 10 Insane Things?  Dealing with them gives me a strength I never would have found otherwise.
8. Getting 100 on my meter.  Did you know that when you test your blood sugar and the number is a perfect 100, somebody has to give you $1.00?  It’s true, and you’d better believe I’ve collected $1 from my husband for each and every 100.  (Last night when I checked before bed, the meter flashed a 101.  Damn, so close but yet so far.  Oh, but we’re focusing on the good today . . . )
9. Diabetes has taught me to be prepared and organized.  Am I OCD because it’s in my  nature?  Or is it because I need to have my shit together if I want to live?  After 35+ years with diabetes, I guess I’ll never know.  But I’ve always got stuff in my purse to treat lows.  I make notes on my calendar to remind me to refill prescriptions and change my sites.  I have spare rolls of test strips in my purse, in my meter case, in my dresser drawer and in a living room drawer.  I have backup syringes and long acting insulin and my pump settings have been uploaded to Carelink.  Well prepared and organized?  I am, because my life could literally depend on it.  (And this OCDedness spills over to life beyond diabetes too, and that generally helps my life run more smoothly.)
10. The Diabetes Online Community!!  By far the very best thing about having diabetes is the friendships I have made because of it.  I’ve made some of the best friends of my life after finding the DOC and I don’t know what I’d do without the understanding and support I’ve found.  I know someone has always got my back, and I’ve got their backs too.  Most of my DOC friendships have carried over into real life, and have helped me make a bunch of fantastic local diabetes friends as well.  So without a doubt, the friendships I have forged through our shared condition is the very most Insanely Good (and True) Thing About Diabetes!!

Hurts so Good . . . .

Over the weekend, Pete and I worked on reconfiguring our bedroom T.V. stand so it would be more functional and organized.  I needed to retrieve one of my big, lined baskets from the basement to hold the old VHS tapes we weren’t ready to part with.  Our basement is unfinished, meaning it’s a dimly lit space comprised of cinder blocks and spider webs.  This also means it has become the dumping ground for stuff we aren’t using right now, but will probably need in the future.  Like big, lined storage baskets.

I slid my sock-clad feet into the old pair of Crocs I keep at the top of the basement stairs and headed down to dig through the disorganized mess that is our cellar.  Just as Pete called “Be careful” behind me I felt a sharp pinch on the bottom of my foot.  I ignored it and dug out the basket and returned upstairs, feeling a pinch every few steps.  So I sat down on the bed, pulled off my sock and investigated.  I could feel a thin splinter sticking out of my heel, so I did what I always do in this situation.  I called Pete to come remove it for me.  (Disclosure:  I walk around in socks, or even bare feet, all the time.  So splinters in my feet happen every few months.  Not at all diabetes-recommended, but I'm being honest.)

Since whatever was in my foot was still mostly sticking out, it only took Pete a second or two to pull it out with tweezers.  Once he was done, he remarked “That was really thin!  I’m surprised you even felt it.”.  And to me, that’s a pain that hurts so good.  I may not know what was in my foot.  Maybe it was a stinger from a bug (but let’s say no because I hate to think my foot was in a shoe with an icky bug in it) or maybe it was a tiny splinter of wood.  In the end, whatever it was, it put my mind at ease.  Because after about 35 years with diabetes I can still feel the tiniest jab in my foot.

WTW: Me and Dr. Oz . . .

What's That Wednesday: Did you know I was on The Dr. Oz Show?

Well okay, I wasn’t REALLY on The Dr. Oz Show.  But right behind Dr. Oz?  That’s a picture of me that I tweeted as part of #showmeyourpump.  (Yes, that is my unmade bed in the background.  Had I known I'd be on national T.V. I would've taken a minute to make my stupid bed first . . . . )  It was included in a segment that featured Miss Idaho, Sierra Anne Sandison.  Ah, my 5 seconds of fame.  But seriously, anything that can help spread awareness and education is a great thing, so thanks Sierra!!

Prepping . . . .

Today is World Diabetes Day, and in my own little diabetes world there is some excitement.  Because I’m prepping for training first thing tomorrow on this  . . . .


It’s taken every bit of willpower I have not to just tear open the boxes and wing it.  But I know it’s important to be properly trained . . . . so I will.  Tomorrow.  Yay!!

** My Medtronic disclosure can be found here. **

Hello, Old Friend . . . .

** I’m not calling today’s post a “Wordless Wednesday” or even an “Almost Wordless Wednesday” because I blabber too much! **

I know, I woke up low.  No worries, my coffee will boost me right back up!

Yesterday I inserted a fresh CGM sensor and started it up . . . . . and it felt like such a relief!  You see, I had been without my CGM for over a week.  Somehow I had lost track of how many sensors I had left until I inserted my last one right before I left for Friends for Life.  I could’ve ordered a new box right away, to be delivered while I was away, but that seemed like a really bad idea.  It was blazing hot out, and I knew the box of sensors could easily sit on my porch in 90+ temps and beating sun for hours until my parents came in the evening to collect the mail and feed the cat.  So I decided to wait until I got home to order a new box of sensors.

I lived with diabetes for 30 years before starting on a CGM.   So I was unprepared for how odd it would feel to go just one week without it.  It wasn’t all bad - I tested a lot more often and I learned to listen to my body more.  But it’s still a relief to have my blood sugar graph on my hip and hear the alarms blaring to alert me to lows I don’t feel.

Hello, old friend, good to have you back.  How did I manage all those years without you?  I sure will keep better track of your supplies from now on!

Being “The Rule” . . . . .

Most days, diabetes makes me feel like the “exception to the rule”.  In almost any social situation, I’m the only one who needs to check my blood sugar.  I’m the only one worried about the carb content and glycemic index of the food and beverages served.  I’m the only one who has to pause in the middle of a physical activity to treat a low and wait for it to come back up.  I’m the only one who runs to the bathroom dozens of times because a high blood sugar is making my bladder fill up faster than my twitter feed during a #dsma chat!  Most days I truly feel like I’m the exception and the rest of the world is the rule.

But for the last six days I was at Friends for Life, and a huge part of the magic for me is that I’m the rule, not the exception.  At FFL when I pop a 250+ blood sugar after breakfast, I can look around the room and know a bunch of others are fighting down a post-breakfast high with me.  If I run out of test strips, someone will probably have my back.  If I forgot my glucose tabs, just about everybody will have my back!  When it’s time to eat, each buffet item is beside an index card displaying the carb count.  Everywhere I look there are pumps clipped to clothing, CGM sensors peeking out from sleeves, tubing trailing down from waistbands, and fingertips rife with callouses.  If I need to vent and cry during a session it’s okay, because most of the room is venting and crying right along with me.  At Friends for Life, I just feel like everybody really understands because they are living it too.

Key chain tangled up in your pump tubing?  Yup, I’ve been there too!

It’s not always so bad being the exception.  These days I’m usually confident enough not to care that diabetes makes me different.  But sometimes?  Well sometimes it is just such a relief to be the rule.

Recycling my Pancreas

Last year I tried to knit a new pancreas for Diabetes Art Day.  It didn’t work out so well.

Last month I scored a great deal on a winter coat from the Target clearance rack.  It was only $18, but it was quite open at the neck . . . . which isn’t so great during cold New England winters.  I knew I needed to knit a cowl to help keep me warm, and since the coat was pretty bright I’d need just the right shade of yarn to coordinate with it.  Enter my failed pancreas.  (The yarn one, not the real one.)  I unraveled and rewound my pancreas and cast on for my cowl.  (There’s an odd sentence for you.)  A few days later I was all set.



Of course, Miss. K.C. promptly photo-bombed me and then decided the new coat was really a new bed for her.


I’m so glad I was able to make something useful and pretty out of my failed yarn pancreas.  Now if only I could find a good use for my other failed pancreas!!

#DArtDay 2013

Today is one of my favorite on-line events, Diabetes Art Day!!  I’ve participated every year, with a voodoo doll in 2010, a  necklace in 2011, and a failed pancreas in 2012.  This morning I was thinking about my weekend in D.C. for the CWD Tech Conference, and I drew my inspiration from opening and closing keynotes by Dr. Moritsugu and Sebastien Sasseville, and from the time I spent with my friends.  I was inspired by the need for balance - all the crap diabetes brings and all of the wonderful things I’d miss out on if I didn’t have diabetes.

Click to enlarge!

I’m thankful for all of the good things that have come my way because of diabetes.  But I’ll be even more thankful when we are all cured.

Food Judgments . . . .

Living with diabetes, I often feel like others constantly judge what I’m eating.  Since they often don’t understand diabetes beyond the many misconceptions out there, when they judge me I probably score pretty low.



A few weeks ago, Pete and I had lunch out with a friend.  We were just finishing up when I noticed two women at the next table staring at me.  I figured I was just being paranoid, as I tend to do, but every time I looked up they were both looking over at me.

“Hey, the ladies at that table are staring at me.” I whispered.
“What?  No they aren’t.   You’re just imagining it.”
“No . . . . really . . . they keep looking at me!”

Just then one of the ladies leaned over and said “We were just watching you eat that carrot stick as we sit here sharing out dessert!  We were commenting that we should be eating  more like you!!”



What a great feeling to have someone judge what I’m eating and throw me some high scores for once!!!  I’m so used to being criticized by the Diabetes Food Police that I was shocked when they complimented me on my food choice.

Of course, I did feel I needed to come clean about what we actually ate for lunch.  I let them know that the three of us shared an order of fried calamari, some mini-sliders, and a spinach and artichoke dip.  They hadn’t seen me eating any of that, just the last carrot stick that had been served with the dip.

I hope my confession made them feel better about indulging in some dessert.  Because as someone who has often had strangers try to heap on the guilt over my food choices, I’d hate to make someone else feel guilty about what they’re eating.

Late, but still Blessed . . . .

Last week was the third annual Diabetes Blessings Week.  I always look forward to this event from Mike Durbin of My Diabetic Heart because I love the encouragement to focus on the good things we’ve experienced from having diabetes.

I planned to have my Blessings post up on Thursday for Thanksgiving.  But then the day filled up fast with cooking and eating and family and  . . . well, let’s be honest. . . . and quite a bit of prosecco.  Friday we left the house early for a day out with our friend.  And by lunchtime on Friday it became apparent I caught the cold my Dad had been sick with during the week.  So I spent Friday night and all of Saturday resting in bed.


And that, believe it or not, is my blessing.  For whatever reason, maybe diabetes and maybe not, my immune system sucks.  I seem to pick up every germ out there.  But because I have diabetes, when I start to feel something coming on I slow way down and take care of myself.  Diabetes is hard enough without tossing the flu or a cold into the mix.  Without diabetes I’d probably feel inclined to power through and push myself when I really need to be home in bed.  But diabetes has helped me appreciate the importance to taking care of myself when I need to.  Diabetes helps me remember that when I feel something coming on, it’s time to nip it in the bud.

Diabetes has helped me learn to listen to my body and not take my health for granted.  And that is a blessing.

You’re the Expert

So, I went to the endo on Friday.  For the last few years I’ve been doing well, so we agreed that appointments twice a year are fine for now.  Deep down I know I shouldn’t stress myself out before these appointments, but it never quite works.  I guess I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the bad news that things aren’t go so well anymore.  Pretty pessimistic, I know, but it’s the truth.

I was a little calmer this time, and my blood pressure reflected that, so yay!!  When Dr. F walked into the exam room, he had a little surprise for me.  My pump trainer (who I haven’t seen in about four years) happened to be there after the nurse handed him the data she downloaded from my pump, and they both were really excited by my CGM graph.  When I say “really excited” I mean they practically cheered and my pump trainer gave me a huge hug.  I knew my WILDfit training was really paying off when I saw the CGM graph - I need to keep in mind how stable regular exercise makes my blood sugars!

The appointment continued well from there.  All of my labs were perfect (cholesterol, kidneys, liver, etc.) and the mega-dose of Vitamin D I’m taking is finally started to bring that level up too.  My A1C has remained stable for almost three years now in the high 5 range.  My feet checked out fine.  I had my dilated eye exam two weeks ago and the tiny bleeds found four years ago are completely gone.  The only red flag was that I’ve gained some (more) weight, so we’re going to recheck for thyroid problems next time I have my labs done.

We did discuss some hills on my CGM graph at 3 a.m.  I explained that this had just been happening for the last couple of weeks, and that I did slightly raise my basal (by .025 units) at midnight to help offset it.  I said that while I still needed a small correction during some nights, I’m hesitant to change that basal too much because my overnight seems to vary quite a bit depending on the time of the month.  I prefer to correct as needed, rather than change everything only to be plagued by middle of the night lows in a week or so.  To which Dr. F said, quite sincerely, “Well, you’re the expert”.

Am I an expert?  I’m certainly not an expert on diabetes in general.  But when it comes to myself and how my body will likely react to any given diabetes situation?  Well yes, I probably have the best idea about that.  I responded that since people with diabetes do all of the day to day stuff, we need to be our own experts.  And I told him how the Diabetes Online Community plays such an important role in providing support and empowerment.  I can’t do it alone - I need the DOC and I need my medical team.  But I’m so thankful that my endo listens to what I have to say about my care and recognizes the importance of me being my own D-Expert.

Great Glucose Tablet Debate!!

One of the things I love most about Twitter is that I often find myself in a totally silly and very entertaining conversation that leaves me giggling long after I’ve shut down the computer.  One of these silly conversations happened a week or so ago and, believe it or not,  it was all about glucose tablets.  It started innocently enough, with a tweet from Brian pondering which flavor glucose tabs he should order:


And a bunch of us started voicing our opinions on our favorite glucose tablet flavors, and on flavors we wish existed.  Before we knew it, Bennet had a brilliant brainstorm:


And then it got really silly really fun!!  We settled on the categories of Best Flavor, Worst Flavor and Strangest Flavor.  Nominations began flying in from Alecia, Briley, Bennet, Kelly, Brian and me.  (I also tagged @GlucoLift and barraged poor Christopher with our flavor inspirations!!)

But hey, we want to make sure the whole DOC can voice their opinions on glucose tablet flavors.  So Bennet came up with The Great Glucose Tab Survey of 2012!!  He put together a clever and funny little survey that we hope everyone will take a few seconds to answer.  It contains all of the brilliant, silly and downright gross suggestions, along with spaces for your own tab flavor creations.  Are you game??  Click below and make your vote count!!

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/Z53F675

Two Weeks until DArt Day!!

Yay, we are just two weeks away from Diabetes Art Day!  This is always such a fun event.  Two years ago I made the VooDoo doll that eventually became a book cover.  Last year I made jewelry.  And this year?  This year involves knitting . . .


It is completely unlike me to have started my Diabetes Art Day project already.  Usually I’m extremely last minute, crafting it ON Diabetes Art Day.  But this year I decided early what I wanted to make.  I don’t have a pattern, so I’m making it up as I go.  And I’m NOT a knit-designer, so this may end up being a disaster.  But I’m really hoping it turns out okay, because I really like my idea.

You can get all of the details on Diabetes Art Day and how to participate right on the site.  What are you creating for Diabetes Art Day??

Revisiting “Judgements” . . . .

Lately I feel like there hasn’t been much going on with me, diabetes-wise.  I’m doing what I need to do, I have some highs and low here and there, but mostly things are just steadily plodding along.  Which is good . . . . . except that it doesn’t leave much to blog about.

In an attempt to find some bloggy inspiration I started looking back through some old posts.  I found one from three years ago called Judgements, and I knew it was the perfect post to revisit . . .

"Yesterday was a pretty big day.  We closed on a refinance of our mortgage, locking in the current low interest rates and knocking five years off our payments.  Then we went off to our weekly ballroom lesson.  But we felt like celebrating.  Since we've been working so hard on our exercise and diet plan, we decided to treat ourselves to dinner at a great Italian place just down the road from the dance studio.  And we decided we would order whatever we wanted.  In my case, I knew it would be Gnocchi alla Vodka Sauce.

I was testing my blood when the waitress came for our drink order.  I was bolusing when she came for our dinner order.  And I felt like I had to hide my meter and my pump.  I felt like if she knew I was diabetic, she would judge me when she set the huge bowl of gnocchi in front of me.  Or when she saw me accept the slice of bread Pete passed from the bread basket.  It didn't matter that my extended bolus kept my blood sugar from going no higher than 157 after eating and put my 2-hour post-meal finger-stick at 91.  Or that a slightly higher overnight temp basal and a 2am correction of a 145 blood sugar gave me a fasting of 125 this morning.  I felt like she would judge me.  She would be under the impression that a Type 1 diabetic can't eat a pasta meal.  She would become the dreaded diabetes police.

I'm proud that I can indulge once in a while and still keep my numbers fairly in line.  But I'm disappointed that my guilty conscience sees people judging me, whether they actually are or not."

Quite honestly, this post really surprised me.  I certainly don’t feel like I have to hide my meter or my pump anymore.  In fact, I’m thrilled to tell anyone who will listen all about how I can use exercise and my pump features to manage a carb filled meal on a special occasion.  It was easy for me to forget all of those years when I hid diabetes because I worried about what others thought - and because deep down inside I was always judging myself and feeling like I was failing.  All of that has gradually changed over the past three years as I’ve become a more informed patient who has tons of support from others who also live with diabetes.  Yes, sometimes I still do judge myself and feel like I’ve failed, but I know that my health is my business and I don’t worry about what some random stranger may think of me.

Sometimes when things seem to be plodding along at an even pace, it’s easy to forget just how far we have come.  It can be surprising to look back and realize how much your outlook has changed.  Tonight I’m attending my niece’s wedding and I will eat some wedding cake and have a drink (or two) and I won’t worry one bit about what others might be thinking.  And that is pretty cool!!

Do you ever take a look back at your life with diabetes and find yourself surprised at how things have changed?  What has helped you make those changes?

Free Toys!!!!

I was awoken at 1:30 in the morning by the sound of K.C. playing.  It sounded like she was having a grand old time batting something plastic around the bedroom.  This was odd since we keep all of her toys downstairs.  Wondering what she had gotten ahold of, I begrudgingly got up and flicked on the little flashlight I keep on my night table for midnight finger sticks.

Much to my surprise, I found K.C.’s fun new toy was this . . . . .



It’s the top of my pump reservoir - the part that snaps onto the insulin bottle when you fill it.  After site changes, I immediately put the sharps in an old coffee can that is my personal sharps container.  I don’t ever remember dropping one.  Apparently I did, and K.C. was happy to claim it as her own.

Free cat toys . . . . just one more benefit of  having diabetes.