Wordless(ish) Wednesday

I though maybe brown rice California Rolls would be kinder to my blood sugar than the white rice option.  Alas, they were not.

Guest Posting . . .

Today I have the honor of guest posting over at Medtronic's blog The Loop.  Because I feel it's important to be able to laugh at the more stupid things we may do in moments of diabetes panic, I'm sharing my story of a rather embarrassing call I made to Medtronic Customer Service.  Hope it gives you a giggle!

Afraid of Exercise . . .

I’m really really good at coming up with lame excuses not to exercise.  If I could excel at exercise the way I excel at avoiding exercise, I’d probably have several Olympic gold medals!!  But last weekend, I found a new excuse not to exercise . . . . and for once, I felt like it was a very legitimate one.  I didn’t workout because I was afraid.

Last weekend’s trip to DC for the TCOYD conference meant arriving at my hotel late last Friday afternoon. The first thing I did was check out the layout of the hotel.  In the basement was a pretty good looking gym setup.  Getting a workout in before dinner would have been nice . . . . but all I could think about was what might happen to my blood sugar after a late-day workout.  Sleeping alone in a king-size bed sounded kind of nice - with no snoring husband and no cat whose favorite sleep spot is stretched out across me.  But sleeping alone if a bad low hit?  That sounded very scary and brought a huge wave of homesickness over me.

What do you think?  Have you ever let the fears of how exercise might impact your blood sugar deter you?  In a situation like this, is it better to be cautious?  Or is it worse to let diabetes derail the opportunity for a good workout?

Connecting . . .

Those of us who have found the Diabetes Online Community (DOC) know what a difference it makes to have a whole bunch of people to interact with who know exactly what it feels like to live with diabetes.  There is something so special about communicating with someone who really gets it, who really understands what you go through, who knows what you are feeling without long explanations . . . because they are feeling the same things.  It has certainly made the world of difference in how I feel about having diabetes, and how I live with diabetes.

So how do we spread the word about the online community to those who need it, but don't know it's here?  Well, last weekend I had a chance to do just that when I was part of the Taking Control of Your Diabetes program in DC on Saturday.  I arrived first thing in the morning . . . no, wait.  I actually arrived 30 minutes later than I meant to because I got hopelessly lost on the four block walk from my hotel the the convention center.  Seriously, four blocks and a GPS app on my iPhone, and I still couldn’t find my way to the HUGE convention center.  In the end I gave up and took a cab.  I’m a navigational nightmare.

It was much easier to find my spot in the Health Fair - the TCOYD staff had set up a terrific area near the entrance with a big slide projector and several rows of chairs.  Cue the nerves - which were compounded by the fact that I soon found I’d be (somewhat unexpectedly) covering the booth on my own!  I had my slides all ready and had gone over what I wanted to say . . . .but really, how do you convey what it’s like to become a part of the DOC?  How do you bring the true magic of what we have online to those who haven’t experienced it?

As it turns out, it’s easier than you might think.  The first thing I realized was the people in an expo hall aren’t likely to sit down for a formal slide show.  And really, the DOC isn’t exactly formal anyway, right?  Our unofficial mascot is a unicorn and our logo would feature cupcakes and bacon.  We may be passionate and fierce about our cause, but we are also fun and goofy in the best possible ways.  So I bagged my “formal presentation”, and I spent my time talking one on one with anyone and everyone who stopped by the booth.  When I talked about the isolation diabetes can bring and the need for emotional support, I saw people’s eyes light up!  I showed slides of tudiabetes and Diabetes Daily as great community sites to get started on.  I pointed out the copy of the Diabetes Advocates brochure that was included in the TCOYD event booklet.  We talked of trying to understand that our loved ones are showing concern for us when they seemingly nag us about checking our blood sugar.  We talked about how highs and low effect our mood.  We talked about diabetes and food allergies, diabetes and getting older, and diabetes burnout.  I showed my pump and CGM to some people who had never seen either before.

I knew I’d be connecting with people who didn’t know about the DOC, but I actually connected with many others as well.  I met someone I know from tudiabetes and a couple of people who used write blogs that I followed.  I talked to endos and pharma reps. I had a discussion with someone from Diabetes Forecast.  I had a great chat with Chris from GlucoLift and then had an interesting conversation with his dad about social media.

When I left after a full day, I was very tired but very inspired.  I’m hoping the people I met will join the DOC, and I hope I run into them online.  (If I met you on Saturday and you’re reading this, Hi and Welcome to the DOC!!)   But most important was the feeling that I really connected with a whole new group of people who, like me, are living every day with diabetes and could use a little support.  Because connecting with other PWDs, both online and off, is really what it’s all about.

Small Successes . . .

When I last posted, there wasn’t much about our situation to celebrate.  But in just a couple of days a few things have shown up on both of our horizons that give us a lot of hope.  We are both crossing our fingers for these opportunities to pan out, and hopefully I’ll have some good news to report soon. 

In the meantime, it’s been a very rough few weeks.  When times get tough, my good intentions quickly fly out the window.  I’ve been trying hard to stay positive and to keep the ever looming cloud of depression from settling in.  It hasn’t been a total failure, but it hasn't been a complete success either.  Things have been sliding a bit.  My exercise routine is non-existent once again, which makes me pretty disappointed in myself because I had been doing very well.  I’ve been a bit MIA in the DOC, which is unfortunate because now is the time I should be connecting more - lending an ear and supporting others who are going through tough times, and thankfully taking any support offered back.  My house is messy, my husband is crabby and I’m cranky right back,

But it hasn’t been all bad.  One of my main goals for 2012 is to lose the extra weight I’ve been carrying around once and for all.  False starts?  I've had more than a few.  But since the New Year I’ve been faithful about logging my calories into my Lose It! app and have worked hard to stay in the calorie range given to lose one pound each week.  And during the four weeks of January I have exceeded my goal and lost just over 7 pounds.  I’m proud that I didn’t give in to the urges to drown my worries in comfort foods.  I’m proud that I didn’t give up when the going got rough.  I know I still have a long way to go to meet my final goal, but I feel like if I stuck through it during this extremely tough month, maybe I can really do it this time.  I’ve found that keeping this one small success in mind helps me believe that I might be able to turn the other cruddy stuff around too.

Now, to work on getting back to exercising . . . .

What small successes are you celebrating in your life?  Do they help you face larger challenges?  Let’s cheer each other on and get ready to tackle the big stuff together!!

Uncertainty

Today is Pete’s last day of work.  Although he was notified of his lay-off two weeks ago, it still seems a bit unreal.  And scary.  As of today, we are both jobless.  And I’ve never felt so frightened in my life.

Everyone has tough financial times during their life.  (Okay, maybe not EVERYONE, but everyone I know.)  But even when I’ve had to keep a close eye on my budget, I’ve never worried about my diabetes supplies and my insurance.  I’ve been very lucky and I always knew I could get what I need to stay alive and healthy.  Now the tide has changed.  It feels a bit like my luck has run out.  Although we will keep our insurance until the end of March, I’ve already begun to ration supplies.  I’m wearing my pump sites one day longer.  I’m stretching my sensors as long as I can.  I’m trying to save now, because if we need to go on COBRA in April, the premium will cost a fortune.

I’m also worried about the coverage we will get once we find jobs and have a new insurance to deal with.  Will I still be able to see my awesome endo?  Will my CGM be covered?  Will I get as many test strips as I need?  Or will I have to fight for coverage on my supplies?  And what will our new co-pays be like?

I know I’m not the first one who has been in the situation.  I know Pete and I will get through this.  I know it will all work out . . .  somehow.

But for now, I feel like I’m adrift on a sea of uncertainty . . . waiting to see when the tide will come in and where it will take me. And that is a very scary place to be.

Just One Thing for 2012 . . . .

This month the DSMA Blog Carnival asks what one diabetes related thing we are most looking forward to in 2012.  Just one thing?  That’s a tough one for me because I’m looking forward to, and hoping for, quite a lot from the New Year.  Advances in technology and new products on the U.S. market would be wonderful (like the Enlite sensors and the iBGStar meter, which I’d love to see this year).  Doing more advocacy work will be awesome (like heading to DC in March for JDRF Government Day and hopefully presenting at TCOYD next month).  Finding a  way to turn my diabetes passion into a part-time source of income would be amazing (although I’m not sure it’s a very realistic dream).  Brushing up on my personal diabetes care is important (breaking the “ignore my CGM alarms” habit and finally getting fit and losing weight is something I’m already working on - and I’m proud to say I have shed 5.6 pounds so far this year).

However, I’m only supposed to write about ONE thing.  So I stopped to think about what one thing I’d chose if I had to give up the others.  I’d love fancy new d-gadgets, but I could continue just fine with the ones I’m using now.  Advocacy is very important to me and I’d be disappointed to miss out on new advocacy opportunities, but I could still continue with my local adult support group and the JDRF stuff I’m already involved in.  Finding my dream job is what everyone hopes for, but in reality paying the bills must come first.  And if I didn’t exercise or lose any weight this year?  Well, I’d just keep working on it.

When it comes down to the one thing I’m most looking forward to - the one diabetes thing I absolutely don’t want to miss out on this year - it’s pretty simple.  It’s the connections and the support.  I value my local diabetes groups and am looking forward to more dinners and discussions and sometimes, diabetes rants.  And  I can’t wait to attend more meet-ups and conferences and spend time with my DOC family.  I’m unsure if I’ll be able to attend Friends for Life this year but I’m going to try my hardest to make it happen.  And even if travel and in-person DOC meet-ups aren’t an option, I’m really looking forward to continuing to connect on-line - through blogs, Twitter, Facebook, #dsma, emails, and any other ways I can find.  The DOC has changed me from a person who hid the fact that she was diabetic and never wanted to discuss it, to a person who talks about it every opportunity she gets.  The DOC has taught me that I’m not broken and helpless, and that I can be strong. 

Giving up the connections and support I’ve found is unthinkable - and continuing and growing the relationships I’ve made is the one thing I’m most looking forward to in 2012.

This post is my January entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2012/january-dsma-blog-carnival/.

“Deader than my Pancreas”

So yeah, the other night I had an odd dream involving the show Castle.  I was part of the team working on some murder case.  We were in a big hotel that looked oddly like a set of dorms at my alma mater called “The Trees”.  (I lived in Maple one year and in Elm the next - but I digress.)  Anyway . . . . um . . . . in the dream . . .  I may have kissed Nathan Fillion.  Or I guess I actually kissed Richard Castle.  But whatever, no need to split hairs here.  (And yes, he really was ruggedly handsome.) 

So that dream stuck with me all day yesterday and it got me thinking . . . . I should be on an episode of Castle!  (Lets forget for a minute that I can’t act, okay?)  The episode would be called “Deader than my Pancreas”.  I would be the expert dia-consultant (or is it consulta-betic??) and I’d work a case involving the murder of a pancreas.  After all, I do have more than 32 years of hands on experience!  When the team is alarmed by the blood splatters and hemoglobin blobs all over the place, I’d be the one to assure them it’s a normal state for any PWDs house to be found in after all those finger sticks and site gushers.  When they want to follow the trail of used lancets to the killer, I’d be the one to tell them the trail is clearly a ruse . . . .  because real diabetics don’t change their lancets often enough to leave a trail.  Instead I’d show them how to follow the trail of discarded test strips to the real diabetic.  Luckily we wouldn’t have to worry about being too engrossed in our crime solving to stop for dinner because, like any prepared diabetic, I’d have enough snacks in my bag to fuel our whole team through the night.  And I’d look pretty cute in one of those fancy police / writer bullet-proof vests - personalized especially for me, of course!!

Okay, so I SERIOUSLY need one of these!
Medic alert tag meets bullet-proof armor - to keep me safe from bad guys AND bad lows!!

The only problem is that sadly, the case would end up going unsolved.  Even after interviewing the top scientists in the field, we wouldn’t ever know what caused the death of that poor pancreas.  We would end up sending the crime to the Cold Islet Case Files.  My work as a dia-consultant would prove to be as useless as a bottle of insulin left on the beach in July.  But hey,  it wouldn’t be a total loss.  Because a sweet sweet day spent hanging with Rick Castle sure would be bolus-worthy, now wouldn’t it?