Thursday, August 6, 2009

Judgements . . .

Yesterday was a pretty big day.  We closed on a refinance of our mortgage, locking in the current low interest rates and knocking five years off our payments.  Then we went off to our weekly ballroom lesson.  But we felt like celebrating.  Since we've been working so hard on our exercise and diet plan, we decided to treat ourselves to dinner at a great Italian place just down the road from the dance studio.  And we decided we would order whatever we wanted.  In my case, I knew it would be Gnocchi alla Vodka Sauce.

I was testing my blood when the waitress came for our drink order.  I was bolusing when she came for our dinner order.  And I felt like I had to hide my meter and my pump.  I felt like if she knew I was diabetic, she would judge me when she set the huge bowl of gnocchi in front of me.  Or when she saw me accept the slice of bread Pete passed from the bread basket.  It didn't matter that my extended bolus kept my blood sugar from going no higher than 157 after eating and put my 2-hour post-meal fingerstick at 91.  Or that a slightly higher overnight temp basal and a 2am correction of a 145 blood sugar gave me a fasting of 125 this morning.  I felt like she would judge me.  She would be under the impression that a Type 1 diabetic can't eat a pasta meal.  She would become the dreaded diabetes police.

I'm proud that I can indulge once in a while and still keep my numbers fairly in line.  But I'm disappointed that my guilty conscience sees people judging me, whether they actually are or not.


  1. You feel guilty. I understand. I feel that way sometimes too. But mostly I just feel annoyed that they feel like they have the right and/or knowledge to judge me. :)You did great. And that's all that matters. Let others think what they want.

  2. It's the Diabetic Guilt we all feel-it's normal- and it's so hard to stop. Bottom line- you know your doing what your supposed to and that you CAN indulge when you need to. Who cares what others think- they are usually wrong anyway!!
    kelly l

  3. F the haters. I'm happy to hear that you were able to keep Wilford in check throughout that epic meal.

    Golf clap for you ma'am. Golf clap indeed.

  4. Sweetie, she most likely thought it was a cellphone or pager. Your feelings are from within.

    You rock, and I wouldn't let anyone make you feel d-Guilt. ever.

  5. Nice job with your numbers!!! Gnocchi with vodka sauce?!?!? That's my favorite too...from Maggiano's!!!

    I ALWAYS get that same guilty feeling. Ridiculous...isn't it??? :)

  6. ((hugs))
    You do all the right things.
    You are human. You are you.
    And oh yeah, you have T1.

    No guilt hon, it's hard, I know.
    Congrats on keeping it all in check.

    Now I want lasagna.

  7. Please share your secret recipe for keeping pasta numbers so wonderful! That is so, so amazing! Guilt - no way! Pride for keeping those numbers so beautiful! Yumo!!!!

  8. I totally get it. I don't feel bad with waiters, but sometimes I do feel the guilt from my family or coworkers.

    My husband and I do have a secret joke about waiters. They always, without fail, seem to come around while I'm testing my sugar or giving myself a shot. And I'm always wondering what they must be thinking about what I'm doing. Are they grossed out? Do they know I'm diabetic? Have they seen that before since they work in restaurants?

    In fact, it happens so often that whenever we want our waiter, my husband will say "pull out your meter" or "go ahead and bolus" just so they'll come over. And usually it works! :-)

  9. I think it's an ingrained habit we have from all of the dark age years.

    But like everyone has already said, she probably paid more attention to whether you needed a drink refill than anything you were doing.

    And fabulouso on the bolus magic!


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