(Almost) Wordless Wednesday - #SpareARose

This is the insulin that lives in a drawer in my refrigerator, next to the cheese compartment.  I’m lucky to know it’s there, ready to keep me alive for the next three months.  I’m lucky to know that as I use the bottles up, I can order my next three month supply so it’s ready and waiting when I need it.

This is my insulin pump.  The icon in the upper left corner is filled in with gray, showing that I’m lucky to have a full reservoir of insulin to get me through the next three days.  The large numbers toward the right show my insulin bolus being delivered so I can enjoy . . . .

. . . these festive cookies I’ve baked.  I’m lucky to have a wonderful husband to share them with as we look forward to Valentine’s Day together.  I’m lucky to live in a time and in a part of the world where I have the medications and devices that allow me to eat a cookie (or two) without shooting my blood sugar dangerously and deathly high.

This is Spare A Rose.  It’s a reminder that not everyone is as lucky as I am.  It’s a reminder that Pete and I don’t need to spend a lot of money on flowers and chocolates and jewelry and other gifts.  We need to help others who can’t afford the insulin they need to survive.  Each $5 donation provides life saving insulin or test strips to someone in need for a month.  $5 is such a small amount but it can do so much.  Please join me in making a donation so others can know what it feels like to be as lucky as we are.

Time Stands Still . . . .

Isn’t it funny how time can seem to pass at such varied speeds?  The weekends zip by in a blink while weekdays pass much more slowly.  Today I’m willing to put money on the fact that winter is three times as long as any other season.  (Yeah, I know that isn’t true, but as I look out the window and see everything coated in ice it sure feels true.)  And, of course, there are many times when diabetes certainly makes time crawl.  Like when?  Well, I’m glad you asked.

Pre-bolusing!  I try to dose my insulin about 20 minutes before I eat.  And oh my gosh, those 20 minutes take FOREVER to pass.

Coming down from a high!  Ugh, high blood sugars.  Sleepy, achy, thirsty, syrupy. sluggish torture.  Even the fastest of our fast acting insulin can’t provide relief quickly enough.  And the whole time I’m trying to talk myself out of rage-bolusing, which will only result in a ride on the glucocoaster.  And I hate rollercoasters of any kind!

Starting a new sensor!  It takes two hours after inserting a new sensor before you can enter the first calibration to get it up and running.  In those two hours it’s important to keep blood sugars as stable as possible.  Which is actually kind of laughable, because, you know, diabetes doesn’t really play that way.  Suddenly very hungry?  Sorry, wait two hours.  Feel yourself dropping low (which, ironically, you probably would’ve caught sooner if your sensor was running)?  Well, you have to treat, but now you’d better wait even longer before putting in that first sensor calibration.  Oh the things that happen in those two interminable hours.

Coming up from a low!  Or, more fairly, coming up  from a nasty low.  You know the ones?  Shaky, sweaty, confused, feeling like you are going to keel over any minute.  I really despise those lows, and they usually seem to drag on forever!

Are you with me on this?  What other instances have I missed when diabetes makes time absolutely crawl?

Bitter-Sweet Chips . . . .

Here in New England it’s way to cold to venture out today.  So instead, I’m venturing out virtually to hop around the web.  Join me?

• Spare A Rose is in full swing again this year.  If you buy your Valentine just one less rose and donate that cost, you can provide ONE MONTH of insulin to a child and save their life.  Hard to argue with something as simple as that, right?  Please make your donation now and help spread the word about #SpareARose.  Flowers die, children shouldn’t.
• Sara is celebrating her diaversary by matching Spare A Rose donations.  And that is pretty darn awesome.  You’re going to donate to Spare A Rose anyway, right?  So let Sara know and she will match your $10 donation.  (Of course, you can donate more than $10, which I did, but just let her know you donated at least $10 for her to match.)
• As I mentioned above, the mild winter we started with here in New England has more than made up for itself.  An extended forecast showing nothing but snow and below freezing temperatures does nothing to pull me out my current spell of depression.  And no, I don’t want to build a snowman, thank you very much.
• Three more of my posts have gone live over at the ReliOn blog.  This time I’m weighing in on finding the right doctor for you, dealing with foods that cause blood sugar problems, and finding support (which is, of course, a topic near and dear to me!). ** My disclosures can be found here. **
• You probably know today is Blue Friday, right?  But did you also know today is also National Wear Red Day? This year I’m wearing red in honor of my friend Leigh, who shares some of her story here.  We’re very thankful to still have her here with us.

Okay, it’s time to crawl back under my blankie.  And maybe brew another pot of coffee.  Stay warm!

Best of the ‘Betes Blogs

I’m very excited to host this month’s Best of the Betes Blogs, which helps to highlight awesome posts in the DOC.  So settle in with your favorite beverage and take some time to check out a few January posts you shouldn’t miss!

Best Use of Humor: Diabetes often influences much of our day.  But in Stephen’s case, diabetes can sometimes influence dreams too.

Best Recipe: These peanut butter cookies with a surprise chocolate center from A Sweet Life look very hard to resist!

Best Use of Photography: Sarah’s powerful picture perfectly compliments her powerful words about “the things we least want to do”.

Best Advocacy: Seeing important advances in diabetes technology highlighted in mainstream media is a wonderful thing.  But Renza highlights how important it is for media to report responsibly in these situations.

Best Story of a D Meet-up: Diabetes may be the common thread that begins friendships, but Sara reflects on how friendships become so much  more.

Best non-D Related Post: April shared a fascinating first hand account of NASA simulations.

Best Post by a Type 1: Complications can be difficult to talk about and can carry stigmas and emotional baggage.  Tarra shared her thoughts and experiences in a brave post to help reassure and educate others.

Best Post by a Type 2: “ . . . this winter is kicking my ass”.  I definitely identified with Rachel's struggles with depression.

Best Post by a Type Awesome: Lorraine had a couple of reservations about using CGM in the Cloud but found the outcome to be the opposite of what she expected.

Best Post by a LADA/ Type 1.5/ Not otherwise specified: On her five year diaversary, Katie reflects on why it's worth celebrating.

Best Story of a D-mistake:  Ever go through your checklist before leaving home, only to discover later you forgot something very important?  I have, and so has Reva!

Best Motivational Post: This month Victoria also celebrated a diaversary, and shares her impressive accomplishments and what motivates her to Ride to Cure Diabetes.

If your post was included in this month’s list, feel free to grab the Best of the 'Betes Blogs button below and display it on your blog.  (Say that five times fast!)

A big thank you to all who submitted nominations and congratulations to all who were nominated!
Ally at Very Light, No Sugar
Kerri at Six Until Me
Laddie at Test Guess and Go
Mike at The Diabetic's Corner Booth

Hosting Best of the 'Betes Blogs was a lot of fun and if you’ve ever thought about signing up to host a month DO IT!!!  Just email Best 'Betes Blogs to say that you're interested.  And any time you see a great blog post you’d like to nominate, just fill out this simple form.

Thank You, Flu Shot . . .

Given the news that this year’s flu shot has been less than effective, you might think I wrote this post title with a heavy dose of sarcasm.  That could not be farther from the truth.

I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Until this year, I never bothered to get a flu shot.  I’m not against them or anything.  I guess I just never got around to it.  And I get lots of colds but hadn’t had the flu in forever.  But this year, I happened to remember to ask about a flu shot at my September endo appointment.  Honestly, both my doctor and the nurse were shocked that I never had a flu shot.  “Never?”  “Never.”  “Never ever??”  “Yes.”  And with that,  my first flu shot was administered.  I felt cruddy the rest of the day.  My arm ached for longer than I expected.  And then reports came in that this year’s round of flu shots wouldn’t protect against newly mutated strains of the flu.  I rolled my eyes at the irony of my situation and put it out of my mind.

Until, however, Pete came home sick from work.  The next day I was also sick, and we thought we had really bad colds.  But for every symptom I had, Pete had a more severe version.  And many of his symptoms never hit me at all.  Four days later I was much better, while he still had fevers over 100 degrees and aches and pink eye (which I thankfully escaped) and was sleeping almost 20 hours a day.  It took a trip to the doctor and a round of antibiotics and eye drops to get him back to 100%.  In fact, although he’s no longer contagious and has gone back to work, I think he’s still not quite 100%.  (Just ask the snoring that keeps me up at night . . . . )

So it looks like I picked the right year to start getting a flu shot after all.  Because it’s the year that we actually came down with the flu.  And even though diabetes usually makes sickness worse for me, in this case my flu shot gave me the upper hand.  (Although as a side note, diabetes did throw a sticky low at me as we left for Pete’s doctor’s appointment.  He didn’t feel up to driving, but ended up driving both ways because it took treating three times to get me back into range.  So much for having the upper hand . . . . )

Revisiting: Sick

Pete came home one day last week with a cold.  Of course, as always, he shared.  After four days cooped up in the house together, we both started to feel better.  (Except for the fact that we pretty much wanted to kill each other by that point.)  Luckily, Pete went back to work yesterday . . . . but came home feeling worse than ever.  Things when from bad to worse last night when he proclaimed “Sweetheart?  I think I have pink eye.”.  So he’s off to the doctor today.  Luckily, I’m still feeling much better (just trying to ignore the power of suggestion that is making my eye itch).  But I have a sick husband to take care of and a ton of laundry and cleaning to catch up on.  (And even more, now that I need to disinfect everything of pink eye germs).  So, it seems like a good time to revisit a little rhyme I wrote in 2009 when another cold had me feeling cruddy.

A nose that’s stuffed,
A throat that’s sore,
Blood sugars running high.
Chills and shivers
And ears that ache,
Just make me want to cry.

Some stupid germ
Some mean virus
Has nestled in my head
Making me sneeze
And sometimes wheeze
And turning my poor nose red.

Can't clean or blog
Or do laundry
No treadmill for me today.
Will soup and tea
And a nice long nap
Please make this go away?

I'll watch TV
and get some rest
And have plenty of time to knit.
And hope that tomorrow
when I awaken
I no longer feel like like . . . .

Low-Brained To-Do List . . . .

It was one of those bad middle of the night lows.  One that freaks me out later when I realize what a difficult time I had waking myself up.  The meter flashed 43 and I cursed the fact that I wasn’t wearing my CGM because I had received a new transmitter that day but hadn’t taken the time to set it up.  I woke Pete and told him I was low but okay and that I would head down to the kitchen to treat.  I then arranged my meter just so on the night stand.  Then I looked for my glasses.  Then I paused to pet the cat.  And put on socks.  There were so many things that seemed more important than treating that sweaty low.  Clearly I was not in my right mind and instead running on Low-Brain.

As I sat on the kitchen bench eating, my (low) brain was whirring a mile in minute, coming up with ever so important things that I was sure would be forgotten by morning.  So what did I do?  I stopped treating that sweaty blood glucose of 43 and instead went into my home office / craft room to dig out a pad and pen so I could jot down all of the extremely important things.  And, of course, the next morning it was quite obvious that most of my list items weren’t actually very important at all.



For example, first on the list was “Buy more Fritos”.  The thing is, I don’t even really like Fritos but I had bought some for a get-together.  And as I stuffed them into my mouth trying to feed that insatiable low hunger, they were suddenly the most delicious thing on the face of the earth.  I absolutely needed to remember to buy more.  I apparently also really needed to look into buying a spare remote control and new battery for the light / ceiling fan fixture in our kitchen.  (What???)  And yes, sending a wrap up email and submitting my report for the latest DiabetesSisters Virtual PODS meet up was important, but chances were slim that I wouldn’t remember to get it done.  After all, I remember every month without the help of a to-do list scrawled as dawn breaks.

But the list item that really makes me laugh is the one that reads “Blog post about low experience tonight”.  Well, okay, check that off the to-do list.  However, I think I need to add one more to-do to this important list . . . . . .  

“Stop doing stupid stuff like making to-do lists and treat that low!”

Dismiss the Lies . . . .

So here we are again, starting another brand new year.  I’ve come to realize that making resolutions really doesn’t work for me.  (It seems many others feel this way too, so I’m in good company.)  But as I say good-bye to one year and embark on the next, it’s the perfect time to take stock and make a fresh start.  And I realize the one thing I need to do in 2015 is dismiss the lies in my head.

Quite honestly, the past few months have been crap.  I’ve struggled with depression and loneliness and diabetes burn-out.  I know when we feel these things it isn’t our own fault and often we need help getting our head back on straight.   But in this case, I can make things right on my own, and I’m ready to get started.  I simply need to stop listening to the lies in my head.

It’s true that I spend most of my days home alone, with Pete working long hours and only my cat for company.  (She is a loving and cuddly companion, but she isn’t much for long meaningful conversations.)  It can be tempting to believe that I have no friends - but the truth is I have plenty of friends that I’m not so good at keeping in touch with.  It’s time to dismiss the negative, friendless thoughts and make a call or send a text or write an email and keep in touch.  It’s time to make plans for coffee and lunches and long catch up sessions.

It’s true that some days I feel like I can’t possibly deal with one more second of diabetes management.  I bet I’m not the only one who runs into this.  But the fact is, I have to . . . .so I can.  Just one extra blood sugar check, just inserting the sensor I’ve been taking a break from, just getting in one workout, just taking a minute to properly count and dose for my carbs.  When I really stop to think about it, they are pretty small things to do.  But when I do them, diabetes often runs a lot more smoothly.  Which in turn, makes me feel less burnt out.

It’s true that I often let my fears of failure stop me from even trying.  It’s true that I believe in everyone else a whole lot more than I believe in myself.  But in reality, I’ll never know just what I can do if I don’t even try.  I need to remember that it’s okay to fail as long as I tried my best.  What isn’t okay is not failing because I was too scared to even try.  I  need to make the most of each opportunity and if something doesn’t work out then maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.  But at least I didn’t let the opportunity simply pass me by.

I’m hopeful that I can be in a much better place in 2015.  I’m hopeful that I can dismiss the lies in my head and stave off the loneliness and burnout and depression.  That I can appreciate all of the good things I have and choose happiness.  It’s what I wish for me and it’s what I wish for all of you.

Happy New Year.