So here we are again, starting another brand new year. I’ve come to realize that making resolutions really doesn’t work for me. (It seems many others feel this way too, so I’m in good company.) But as I say good-bye to one year and embark on the next, it’s the perfect time to take stock and make a fresh start. And I realize the one thing I need to do in 2015 is dismiss the lies in my head.
Quite honestly, the past few months have been crap. I’ve struggled with depression and loneliness and diabetes burn-out. I know when we feel these things it isn’t our own fault and often we need help getting our head back on straight. But in this case, I can make things right on my own, and I’m ready to get started. I simply need to stop listening to the lies in my head.
It’s true that I spend most of my days home alone, with Pete working long hours and only my cat for company. (She is a loving and cuddly companion, but she isn’t much for long meaningful conversations.) It can be tempting to believe that I have no friends - but the truth is I have plenty of friends that I’m not so good at keeping in touch with. It’s time to dismiss the negative, friendless thoughts and make a call or send a text or write an email and keep in touch. It’s time to make plans for coffee and lunches and long catch up sessions.
It’s true that some days I feel like I can’t possibly deal with one more second of diabetes management. I bet I’m not the only one who runs into this. But the fact is, I have to . . . .so I can. Just one extra blood sugar check, just inserting the sensor I’ve been taking a break from, just getting in one workout, just taking a minute to properly count and dose for my carbs. When I really stop to think about it, they are pretty small things to do. But when I do them, diabetes often runs a lot more smoothly. Which in turn, makes me feel less burnt out.
It’s true that I often let my fears of failure stop me from even trying. It’s true that I believe in everyone else a whole lot more than I believe in myself. But in reality, I’ll never know just what I can do if I don’t even try. I need to remember that it’s okay to fail as long as I tried my best. What isn’t okay is not failing because I was too scared to even try. I need to make the most of each opportunity and if something doesn’t work out then maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. But at least I didn’t let the opportunity simply pass me by.
I’m hopeful that I can be in a much better place in 2015. I’m hopeful that I can dismiss the lies in my head and stave off the loneliness and burnout and depression. That I can appreciate all of the good things I have and choose happiness. It’s what I wish for me and it’s what I wish for all of you.
Happy New Year.