Late Last Best Blessing

So I seem to have flaked on my weekend posts for Diabetes Blessings Week, which is a shame because I was saving my best blessing for last.  SO, even though Diabetes Blessings Week ended yesterday,  I’m going to share my last blessing today.

Without a doubt, the absolute best thing that has come to me as a result of diabetes is my friends!!!



The friends that are pictured, the friends that are not.  The friends I have met, the friends I will be meeting soon, the friends I may never get to meet.  Each and every one who has read or commented or emailed or shared your life on your own blog.  You make me stronger, you make me happier, you make me a better person.  Thank you for the blessing of you!!

Diabetes Blessings Week - Exercise

It is day five of Diabetes Blessings Week!!



I do not like to exercise.  It is no secret that I’m a lazy slacker.

But diabetes plays so much nicer when I exercise.  My numbers stay more stable.  My A1Cs are better.  My basal rates are lower and I use less insulin.  So, although I still haven’t really found an exercise routine I can stick with long term, I do keep trying.

Yesterday Pete and I ran our third 5K since August - also our third 5K since ever.  It was a Turkey Trot here in town.  We honestly thought about skipping it even though we paid the registration fee months ago.  Why skip it?  Well, you see, we hadn’t run, not even a training jog, since October 8th.  BUT we are cheap and had already paid for it we knew a morning run would make the Thanksgiving Feasting so much easier on my blood sugars.  So we decided we wouldn’t worry about our run-time, we would just enjoy being out in the fresh air for a walk/run.  In the end, we were thrilled that, at 45 minutes, it took us only five minutes longer than our best run-time.  (Not to say 40 or 45 minutes are good times for a 5K, but at least we get out there and try.  And yes, I hurt the whole rest of the day, but wine helped!!)

Diabetes has blessed me with a reason to keep trying to exercise, even when I really really really really really really don’t want to!!

Diabetes Blessings Week - Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving on Day Four of Diabetes Blessings Week!



I’m taking a bit of liberty with my blessing today, because it doesn’t exactly qualify as a blessing that has come to me because of diabetes.  It’s more of a blessing that helps me live well with diabetes.

Today is Thanksgiving in my corner of the world.  And on holidays I am extra thankful for advanced carb counting, an extended bolus, a temporary basal and my CGM.  These tools are a true blessing on a day filled with grazing followed by feasting followed by dessert followed by late evening left-over nibbling.


K.C. says remember to test a lot, bolus or inject a lot and then, eat a lot!!  And have a Happy Thanksgiving!!

Diabetes Blessings Week - You Are What You Eat

Here we are on Day 3 of Diabetes Blessings Week and I’m still going strong!!



Without a doubt, diabetes has made me more aware of what I eat.  In fact, it’s natural that Diabetes and Food are woven into each other in my life.  After all, I was diagnosed during a time when sugar was 100% off limits and The Exchange Diet was the law.  Meals and snacks came at the same exact time every day and involved the same food groups in the same amounts. It was not a lot of fun.



Thankfully, we have progressed over the past 31 years and that stringent diet is no longer my reality.  In theory, armed with my trusty insulin pump, I can eat any food I love.  And I love desserts.  And foods that has been fried.  And especially dessert foods that have been fried!!  (Have you ever tasted a fried Oreo??  Oh.  My.  Goodness.  Get yourself one NOW.)  I’m also a big fan of butter and rich sauces and basically anything that should be enjoyed “in moderation”.  But I don’t eat as much of these yummy yum-yums as I would like to, because they tend to be very hard to bolus for.  And because they are not heart healthy - and diabetes is already one strike again my heart health.

So thank you, Diabetes, for helping me make healthier food choices than I would probably make otherwise.  Without you, I would probably be a much less healthy, and much much much larger, person!

Diabetes Blessings Week - My Voice

Welcome to day two of Diabetes Blessings Week.



Diabetes can bring us new blessings all the time, regardless of how long we’ve been living with it.  In fact, over the past year, diabetes has brought me a huge blessing . . . my voice.

In school, I was the student who almost always knew the answer, yet almost never raised my hand.  I was too shy to speak up.  Too shy to share what I knew.  Too shy to have attention on me.

And yet, here I am.  A blogger and a health activist.  I have raised my voice and participated in many diabetes awareness events.  Diabetes brought me to the Wego Health site and to two health activist meet ups.  And last month, Wego Health brought the most incredible opportunity to use my voice.  Last month, the same girl who was afraid to raise her hand in class participated on a panel and talked to a group of pharma reps about the dos and don’ts of social media.

Very serious panel picture courtesy of Kerri.

Thank you, Diabetes, the D-OC and Wego Health for blessing me with the gift of a voice I’m no longer afraid to use.

Diabetes Blessings Week - Handling Lows

Mike at My Diabetic Heart has proclaimed this week to be Diabetes Blessings Week.  Time to reflect on the blessings that have come to us because of diabetes.  I’d like to post seven, one each day this week, but I can’t promise I’ll be diligent enough to post every day.  We’ll just have to see how that goes . . .

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Today I am thankful that although I have diabetes, I have also been blessed with a really good tolerance for handling very low lows.  Take, for instance, Friday night when I was home alone (okay, knitting) and was surprised by this, out of no where, on my meter.



Yes, it sucked.  I got really really scared.  I cried.  I ate more than I should have.  I realized why I has spent the past hour overwhelmed by paranoid thoughts that 1) Pete would have a terrible car accident on his drive home and 2) every tiny noise outside meant someone was trying to break into my house.  But, I was okay.  I was able to function.  I was able to get myself frosting . . . . and Skittles . . . . and Swedish Fish.  My blood sugar was 22 but I could fix it on my own.

This is not to say I haven’t had a few bad experiences with lows.  In 31 years, I have had one seizure that led to a quick trip to the ER.  I can think of three times when I was too disoriented to help myself - once in high school, once in college and once about a year ago.  I’m careful to take every low seriously and remember how dangerous a low blood sugar can be.

But today, I’m giving thanks that I tolerate lows really well 99.9% of the time.  I am blessed that, although diabetes has brought low blood sugars, it has also brought me the ability to treat them when I need to.

A Mini Big Blue Test

Since writing my post on depression, I’ve started feeling better.  Writing it all down was a big step in working through it, and of course the wonderful and supportive comments I received meant so much to me.  Working on a fun project Thursday night was great for giving me something productive to focus on.  And a trip to NYC to see the insulin exhibit at the New York Historical Society with some (but sadly, not all) of my favorite D-OC members was the icing on the cupcake.



In a nutshell, I’ve been feeling so much better.  Well, emotionally I’m back on track.  Physically, not so much.  Along with wonderful memories of my trip to NYC, I seem to have brought home a bad cold.  I spent World Diabetes Day coughing, sneezing and napping.  In fact, I was dismayed to wake up and discover I had napped right through the Big Blue Test.

As disappointed as I was to miss the fun of the Big Blue Test, it turns out it wasn’t a total loss.  My friend Bob wasn’t able to do the test on Sunday either, and he graciously agreed to do a Mini Big Blue Test with me yesterday at 2 pm.  We each tested "together", walked "together" and tested once more.



Before our Mini Big Blue Test, my feline assistant K.C. noted that my blood sugar was 111.  After two days spent resting on the couch, my 14 minutes on the treadmill was quite a workout.  K.C. confirmed that my blood sugar rang in at 94 after my walk.  I was in great shape for a late lunch.

Thank you, Bob, for being such a good sport and humoring me with our Mini Big Blue Test.  I had a lot of fun taking a virtual walk with you!

The Other Big D

There are times when I become a little absent.  I’m sure it’s not blaringly obvious, but it’s true.  I’m not on Twitter all that much.  I become very lax at commenting on blogs.  I put off emails for another day.  My Facebook page begins to grow cobwebs.  And maybe, I blow NaBloPoMo as early as Day 8.  In a nutshell, I’m scarce.

Sometimes this happens because I’m busy with off-line things.  Sometimes I simply need a little computer break.  But more often than not, the reason is The Other Big D.  I’m feeling Depressed.

I’ve never been officially diagnosed with depression, but the signs are all there.  It comes intermittently, but it always hits in the fall when the days begin to get shorter.  I lose my focus and my energy.  I can’t seem to get myself dressed and functioning until late afternoon.  I spend hours on the computer, wasting time on silly games.  I feel very unhappy with my life, and I’m sure nothing can be done to fix it.  I feel fortunate that it’s never gotten so bad that I’ve contemplated hurting myself - but I have entertained fantasies of just *poof* disappearing.  And in those moments, I’m sure I wouldn’t be missed.

And then, I start to feel guilty.  I know I have a good life.  No, not a perfect life, but nobody has a perfect life.  But I have a very good life.  I have a husband who loves me - and I see the pain in his eyes when he asks “What can we do to help you?” and I say “Nothing.”.  I’ve got a nice home and a family who loves me.  I have friends - even when I feel like nobody would miss me, I know I have friends who would.  I have a lot going for me.  So I shouldn’t feel depressed, right?  I’ve got a lot of nerve to be moping around.  And being depressed becomes just one more way I have failed, which then makes me feel even more depressed.

Mixing depression with diabetes makes things harder too.  How do you work up the energy to cook healthy meals, count your carbs, exercise and check your blood sugar a dozen times a day when you can’t even work up the energy to brush your teeth?  Yesterday afternoon when Pete asked how my blood sugar has been, I simply replied “I don’t know”, because I hadn’t tested since 6 a.m.  And my sensor ran out but I didn’t bother to restart it.  And I had been randomly bolusing and grabbing junk food all afternoon.  That’s no way to take care of yourself.  It’s no way for a Health Advocate and Diabetes Blogger to set an example.  It’s another way to fail, which is again depressing.

Depression.  It’s a hard thing to write about.  It’s a hard thing to talk about.  It’s a hard thing to admit to.  At least, for me it is.  Often I try very hard to participate just enough in the D-OC so no one would ever guess how I'm really feeling.  Why is that?  Being depressed is nothing to feel ashamed of, and yet, I do.  But recent posts by Elizabeth and Rachel gave me the courage to write this.  Because I have a suspicion depression runs deeper in our community than we really know.  And I think it’s okay, and even good, to talk about it more.  Writing this post was scarier than I can ever convey.  But in a weird way, it also makes me feel like I may have turned the corner with this particular bout of depression.