Today is my Diabetes Anniversary (Observed). Since we don’t know my actual diagnosis day, just the month and year, I pick the 15th as my Diaversary because it’s half way through the month.
So today it is. Today marks 32 years I’ve lived with diabetes. And I’m struggling with what to say about that. I thought about looking at all of the changes I’ve seen. Urine testing to glucose meters the size of bricks to tiny meters to CGMs to non-invasive measures some day. One shot a day to MDIs of long and short acting insulin to a pump to the artificial pancreas some day. Exchange diets and no sugar to carb counting and yes I can eat that.
It’s amazing to see how far things have come. I know I should be proud and thankful to be here and healthy. But honestly, I’m struggling with this Diaversary like I never have before. I’m not happy. I don’t feel like celebrating. Pete bought me chocolate truffles and champagne to celebrate, and when he gave them to me I burst out crying. I just feel tired. I feel really sad. It’s been too long, and there is no end in sight.
I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time this year. It’s not a milestone like 25 years or 50 years or something. It doesn’t mark a significant portion of time, like next year when I’ll have lived with diabetes for 75% of my life. It’s just a random number, thirty-two years. And deep down I am proud and I do know how lucky I am to be here and healthy. I can appreciate the really wonderful things, amazing people and great opportunities that have been brought into my life because of diabetes. But I still feel like I’m struggling a lot with this Diaversary.
I guess it’s just that 32 years seems like a very very long time. Probably because it is.