Our topic for today is What Brings Me Down. May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope? (Thanks go out to Scott of Strangely Diabetic for coordinating this topic.)
Today I want to show you the face of someone who struggles with depression and ongoing feelings on inadequacy. This is the face of depression.
So okay, I'm not really quite sure where to go from here. I think you find this surprising, because when I’m bogged down with these feelings I still I try to put on a happy face and keep the depression hidden away. But then again, maybe everyone sees it and I’m just fooling myself about hiding it away. After all, I’ve written about this before, even though it’s often something I’d rather not discuss. And there in lies the bigger problem. Why aren’t we talking about this more? Why do we need to slap on a happy face and tell the world we are fine? Isn’t it hard enough to have these feelings, without constantly trying to pretend you don’t? Let’s not do that anymore.
I find it fairly impossible to explore how closely the feelings of depression and inadequacy are rooted to diabetes because I’ve lived with diabetes for over 3/4s of my life. But without diabetes I don’t think I’d feel so broken. Without diabetes I don’t think I’d feel so burdened, and like such a burden to my husband (even though he NEVER sees me as a burden). Without diabetes I probably wouldn’t have grown up feeling so different and like an outsider, hiding diabetes so I could try desperately to fit in. Without diabetes I probably wouldn’t feel that it’s mostly my fault that Pete and I will never be parents. (I’m not saying that is true, I’m just saying it’s how I feel and it breaks my heart every day.) And although I know it probably isn’t diabetes that makes me feel so isolated and with nothing to offer society, I also know without these other depressive feelings from diabetes piled on I’d probably have an easier time conquering that isolation and worthlessness. Without the constant burden of diabetes I’d probably feel much stronger and more confident in myself.
Now I think it’s important to point out here that this blogs tagline in meant with all of the sincerity in my heart. Life with diabetes isn’t all bad. I have had so many great opportunities and experiences and made so many wonderful friends because of diabetes. And the depression isn’t constant, it ebbs and flows throughout the year. But some days, well, many days life with diabetes does seem all bad. And this is the face of depression.
Click for the What Brings Me Down - Wednesday 5/14 Link List.
What is Diabetes Blog Week? Click here for an explanation and to sign up. You can also check out a list of participants over here.