Thirty-Four . . . .

Diaversaries strike me as somewhat odd.  Wishing someone a Happy Diaversary can feel awkward because I certainly would never wish diabetes on anyone.  Yet I do want to cheer them on for the hard work they put into each year with diabetes.

Over the years my reaction to my own diaversary seems to vary.  I’ve been reflective, I’ve been light and cheery, I’ve been sad and tired, and I’ve been fed up and feeling guilty.  All of last week I sifted through emotions trying to figure out how I feel this year, and in the end I realized I feel nothing.  Pete and I could have celebrated yesterday, the day I usually choose to symbolize whatever day in December I was actually diagnosed, but it didn’t seem worth the effort.  Yesterday symbolically marked 12,418 days I’ve lived with diabetes.  Just a day like any other in the past 34 years.  Today I make my way through my 12,419th day with diabetes.  Hopefully I have at least 12,000 more ahead of me.  It doesn’t feel like something to celebrate.  It doesn’t feel like something to morn.  I’m not angry or proud or much of anything.  It just is what it is . . . . . .  just another day in my life as I trek onward.

Looking Back - A Holiday Poem . . . .

*** I was absolutely sure Christmas was three weeks from today . . . . until I looked at my calendar.  WTF, there are only two weeks until Christmas?  (That is "What The Fudge", as in the Christmas fudge I make every year, by the way.  What were you thinking??)  I am way too behind so today seems like a great day to revisit a post from 2008 in which I gave "A Visit from St. Nicholas" a diabetes (and knitting) spin.  Enjoy! ***


'Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the blog,
Not a new post was stirring, your time it won't hog.

Friends started e-mailing notes filled with care,
Wondering why updates had now become rare.

There's shopping and knitting and holiday crap,
I know I should post, but I all I want is a nap!

I'm cranky and blue and just keep feeling sadder
So I test my blood sugar to see what's the matter.

First it's too high, then it's too low
Holiday stress wreaks havoc on blood sugar, you know?

Bolus a correction when the highs appear,
And for those lows, gobble eight tiny reindeer.
(um, reindeer cookies!)

Then grab the knitting needles, so lively and quick,
And work on those gifts, just like St. Nick.

Less rapid than eagles my gifts how they came,
But I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, mittens! now, scarves! now, socks and toys!
On, lace! on cables! for girls and for boys!

To the top of the skein! to the top of the yarn ball!
Now knit away! knit away! knit away all!"

Then off to the mall in my car I flew,
To buy other gifts for the people I knew.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard in my head
The buzzing sound I've long come to dread.

I drew in my hand, and again pricked my finger,
Knowing I'd have a low that would linger and linger.

Shopping makes blood-sugar crash, from my head to my foot,
I need to sit down, eat something, stay put;

A bundle of candy I had flung on my back,
It's the reason my purse is as large as a sack.

The blood sugar woes make it hard to be merry!
And my muscles ache from the supplies I must carry!

I wish I stayed home to knit one more row,
Instead of braving the mall and fighting this low;

But soon after the SweetTarts are safe in my belly,
My legs stop feeling as if they are made of jelly.

I'm feeling much better, a right jolly old elf,
And I laugh as I shop, in spite of myself;

A few more gifts from the list in my head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

I make my way home, but then remember more work,
I've forgotten to bake cookies; I feel like a jerk!

A batch of shortbread, shaped like Christmas bows,
Just thinking of them and my blood sugar rose.

So much left to do, as my blog drops out of sight,
"Happy Blood-Sugar to all, and to all a good-night."

Lucky Moment . . . .

My morning routine always starts with a humungous cup of coffee and a bolus of insulin to cover it.  An hour or so later, my bladder is beyond full and it’s time for a bathroom break.  I know . . . . over sharing, but trust me this is relevant.

This morning as I was relieving myself of some coffee I consumed my CGM High Predicted alarm rang.  A quick glance showed me in the 160s and rising fast with one up arrow.   I finished up in the bathroom and started to tuck my pump tubing into my waistband when I got a surprise.  You see, my tubing was not actually connected to me!  After I finished my shower an hour earlier I must not have properly clicked my site connection back together.

Why do I consider this lucky?  After all, I had been without insulin for about an hour, right?  Well, if I hadn’t been in the bathroom when my alarm sounded, I would have simply tested my sugar and bolused a correction . . . . . .which would have likely ended up absorbed into my jeans.  I don’t know how long it would have taken me to realize I wasn’t connected, because this is the first time I can remember something like this happening.  So I’m very lucky that my small bladder placed me in the bathroom with my tubing exposed at the exact moment the high alarm sounded.

There is so much about diabetes that seems like a big heap of bad luck.  So when a bit of good luck comes along, it’s really nice to acknowledge it.  Have you run into any diabetes good luck lately?

Low Glucose Suspend . . . .

It’s been just over a week since I’ve been using the MiniMed® 530G with Enlite® system. I’ll admit that at first the Low Glucose Suspend feature kind of scared me.  In my mind, this feature is for emergency use only.  Unless I’m passed out cold I’m going to treat my low as usual and take my pump out of suspend mode.  (When the CGM reaches a pre-set Threshold Suspend setting, between 60 and 90, the pump alarms, blaringly loudly as it suspends.  The screen displays the option to continue suspend mode or resume your basal.  If you choose to continue suspend mode, the pump does not deliver basal insulin for two hours.  Once the two hours are up, it resumes normal operation.)

But I started to get curious about how my blood sugars would react if I let the pump suspend itself instead of treating a low.  And hey, it might make for a good blog post, right?  So when my pump began alarming at 3:45 a.m. Saturday I decided it was the perfect time to give the Low Glucose Suspend a whirl.  (Also I just wanted to go back to sleep instead of dealing with the low.)  I did a finger-stick to verify that my blood sugar was really 60, which is where I have my Threshold set.  I was actually 68 but trending down, so I decided to let the Suspend do its thing.

I woke again at 6:30 to use the bathroom.  My pump was back to delivering insulin and a quick check clocked me in at 72.  That’s a little low, but I figured the 2 hours of missed basal was still working to bring me up so I just went back to bed.  I woke up at 8:30 and did my fasting check, which revealed . . . .



I couldn’t have asked for better.  I posted to Facebook and InstaGram and got a couple of interesting questions.  Was I nervous to let my pump suspend overnight?  I wasn’t, because I have a bad habit of ignoring low alarms in favor of sleep anyway.  So for me, knowing my pump was suspended was better than knowing I was just ignoring a low.  Also, the CGM will still send out high and low alarms if my blood sugar isn’t rising or is rising too much. Did it feel uncomfortable waiting out a low to go higher by the insulin suspend rather than the quick fix of juice?  If I had run this experiment during the day, yes, I’m sure it could have felt very uncomfortable.  But in the middle of the night, I just went back to sleep so I didn’t feel any low symptoms.  (And often I don’t feel them anyway, because I’m fairly hypo-unaware.)

All in all, I’m thrilled with how well this worked for me.  As the  morning wore on my blood sugar stayed pretty level - 115 at 10:10 and 107 at 12:45.  In the future  I don’t plan on using it as a regular low treatment - I do think I’d rather treat lows myself but know it’s there in case of emergency.  At least during the day.  I have a feeling I will be pretty tempted to let the pump suspend when I’m low during the night, so that’s something I should probably run by my health care team for a little more guidance.

If you have any questions I didn’t address here, feel free to leave them in the comments!

** My Medtronic disclosure can be found here. **

Tired . . . .

I thought I was just distracted and busy.  Wrapped up in the kitchen remodel and the excitement and stress that goes along with it.

Then I thought I was just having a bit of writer’s block.  Feeling like everything I could say I’ve already said before.

Then I felt guilty.  What kind of diabetes blogger finds herself at a loss for words during Diabetes Awareness Month?

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I’m just very tired.  Tired of all the finger sticks.  Tired of the carb counting.  Tired of feeling too high and too low.  Tired of waiting for better.  Tired of learning to adjust to new devices and new treatments.  Tired of the fight and the effort and the every single day of it all.

This will pass.  It has to, because diabetes isn’t going anywhere.  I’ll find my motivation again.  I know I will.  But today, still, I am just plain tired of diabetes.

Prepping . . . .

Today is World Diabetes Day, and in my own little diabetes world there is some excitement.  Because I’m prepping for training first thing tomorrow on this  . . . .


It’s taken every bit of willpower I have not to just tear open the boxes and wing it.  But I know it’s important to be properly trained . . . . so I will.  Tomorrow.  Yay!!

** My Medtronic disclosure can be found here. **

The Lows I Despise . . . . .

All lows are not created equal, and Sunday I experienced one of the lows I despise.  It was the kind that has me feeling absolutely terrified until my blood sugar comes back into range.


The number wasn’t all that low, at least not for me.  I’m fairly hypo-unaware, so I usually don’t feel a 61 at all.  (In fact, I just did a finger stick before starting this post and saw a 65 and I feel just fine.  Don’t worry, I’m snacking on a Clif Bar and should be back up in no time.  /digression)  The 61 on Sunday, however, was not the least bit fun.  I was trying to get ready to go out for brunch (since we still don’t have a functioning kitchen) but this low was not having it.  I felt completely terrified.  I felt like any minute I was going to drop dead.  It was the worst feeling in the world.  I treated and then I treated a bit more.  Then I curled up on my bed in the fetal position.  I tried to be logical and tell myself I would be just fine, but my mind wouldn’t accept that fact.  I finally called out the window to Pete, who was in the driveway installing new wiper blades on his car, and asked him to come inside and sit with me.  I hate when diabetes makes me feel needy and weak.  Of course, by the time he finished up with his car and got inside, I felt just fine and was doing my hair so we could go eat.

November is Diabetes Awareness Month.  You should know that sometimes low blood sugars aren’t so bad.  I treat and move on with my day.  But sometimes, they feel completely terrifying.  Sometimes they leave me curled up in a ball waiting to die.  Luckily for me, lows like that are rare, but they happen.  And nobody should live like this.  We need a cure.

Free Stuff Friday at Lauren’s Hope

Things have been a little quiet over here on the blog while the big kitchen renovation has pretty much taken over my life.  Noise, dust, workmen and lots and lots of mess is the story of my life these days - but I do know it will be so worth it once it’s all finished.


However, you can find me today over at the Lauren’s Hope blog, kicking off Diabetes Awareness Month by explaining how the different seasons can turn diabetes management upside down.  Even better, if you leave a comment over there you can win a $50 gift certificate toward your purchase of an awesome Lauren’s Hope medical I.D.  Check it out!!